Monday, September 22, 2014

What the actual F...?

Thursday, September 18, 2014

Nobody told him it was hot yoga

Oh yeah.   Downward dog for me baby.
Let's give Joseph Jordan a big hand.  Joe is the latest hometown hero for the folks here at Dammit Florida.  Joe decided to try some yoga.  I'm sure he's been told of all the health benefits.  Maybe he was just trying to limber himself up for some self pleasure.  Who knows.  What we do know is that he got into the class and it was too much for him.  Joe decided that it was a great idea to polish the one eyed gopher, right there in the yoga class.

Quite possibly mankind's greatest creation.
Now, I know what you're thinking.

Yoga pants.

It's a well documented fact that we are HUGE fans of yoga pants, but come on dude, that's what the internet is for.

Thursday, September 11, 2014

Today's honorary Floridian

Tuesday, September 9, 2014

Honest officer, I was just buffing the seat.

A big thanks to Harold for this one.

Karen Marie Dilworth just wanted to feel the power between her legs.  She went to the garage, opened up the door and straddled her motorcycle.

Sounds normal, right?

Here's where it gets all Florida on us.

Karen was naked.  Instead of riding the bike in the way the manufacturer intended, she rode it differently.  She proceeded to rub herself all over the bike in full view of the neighbors, including a 13 year old boy.  She was later arrested for lewd behavior.

Thursday, September 4, 2014

Honeymooners, Florida Style

Tuesday, September 2, 2014

Everybody loves Waldo.

Florida: Home to the Taco Bell Butt Groper

Folks, I've seen asses and Taco Bells all over this great land of ours.  There are asses worth going to jail over.  Mrs Dammit Florida possesses one of those asses.  From my vast personal experience with Taco Bell, there is one thing I can say for certain.  Drunk or not, it's a rare, bordering on nigh impossible thing to find an ass worthy of jail working behind the counter at Taco Bell.  I'm going to go out on a limb here and say a 40 year old woman working at Taco Bell probably doesn't possess said ass.

Fast food ass grabber
Our boy, Phil on the left there got really liquored up, made a run for the border at 2 am and then proceeded to reach through the drive through window and get himself a handful.  Phil looks like a fun guy.  Maybe he was just being friendly.  He looks like a friendly guy.  Maybe that Bradenton Taco Bell has an ass worth going to jail for attached to a 40 year old woman that works the drive through at 2 am.  Who knows?

How did poo get on the ceiling?

She looks so happy too.  
We have a new candidate for mother of the year.   Betsy Velasquez.   Her family was living in such squalor, when the investigators started looking around, there was dog shit on the floor, walls, and ceiling.  

Wait....  How in the world did it get on the ceiling?  

That's what I want to know.  

CPS was tipped off by how bad her 10 year old son stunk up the school. Every class has the stinky kid.  How bad did this kid stink that the authorities had to be alerted?