Big thanks to Ron, Jason, and Harold for these. Ready? Here we go.
this guy. This fine upstanding citizen gets caught blowing another dude by his wife. Instead of talking it out, he goes all Florida on her, knocking her off the jet ski they were riding and leaves her stranded on a sand bar. In the middle of a large body of water. She eventually died a few days later in the hospital. Police are now looking for the knob polishee for questioning.
Next up, we have this octogenarian that went all apeshit in traffic and shot another car for cutting him off. Folks, if you learn nothing else from me, remember this: Don't F with old guys. They will ruin your day. They don't give a shit, they're going to die soon anyway.
I bet the next time Michael Glitniak tries to pay a hooker with food stamps, he'll check to make sure she's WIC approved first.
Last, we have these guys. They obviously really really wanted a burger. They wanted burgers so bad, they broke into the burger joint and stole a shitload of them. Oh yeah, in true Florida fashion, they were naked.